Finding Myself

I realized after yesterday's post that people may wonder, "If you love Dusty so much, why did you leave him?" Well, my life story is rather complicated (and if you've ever been to Oakdale, you'd understand why! LOL), but the easiest way to put my decision was that I had to find myself. I know that sounds like a typical teenage cliché (my 17 year old cousin, Luke, is going through a similar "finding yourself" phase), but it really was true. Ever since I was a little girl I had always been overprotected. My father thought he had to keep an eye on me every second of the day or something would happen to me. I guess I can understand his feelings, especially since I moved in with him after my brother, Bryant, died in a car accident. He was afraid of losing his only remaining child, but it got to be too much. He hated when I wanted to date Aaron and did everything he could to stop us from being together. He didn't want to let his little girl, his "lullaby," his "sweetness" go. It wasn't just that I was overprotected by my family, that's that I depended on them, which I suppose is normal for a teenager, but I felt that I depended on them too much. Growing up, I depended on my parents and my grandmother. Then, from the age of 16, I always had a guy in my life. First, I was dependent on Aaron. Then I had a huge crush on Paul Ryan. Finally, when I met Dusty, I thought I had a chance to be myself and make my own choices. I was rebelling against my family who didn't approve of our relationship and I thought that made me independent. And I was, at first. But eventually, I had grown to depend on Dusty without even noticing. I realized just how much I depended on him when he pushed me away and broke my heart. I didn't know what to do without him. It was then that I had to face my life without him and I realized that even though I thought I was independent, I was far from it. I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet without Dusty or anyone else holding me up. My entire life, I wasn't able to do anything on my own and going to college was my chance to spread my wings and learn to be independent.

Not only was independence an issue, but I was also having a sort of identity crisis. Most people think they know who I am because of my family. I come from a wealthy, affluent family and people assume things about me. That I'm spoiled, pampered, and a princess. I'm not going to pretend that to some extend those things aren't true, but that isn't who I am. Sure, I'm Lucinda Walsh's grandaughter. Yes, Sierra Esteban, the former President of Montega, is my mother. And, of course, I am Craig Montgomery's daughter. But those things are just a part of who I am. I'm not just La Walsh's granddaughter, the Montegan President's daughter, or Dusty Donovan's girlfriend. I am LUCY MONTGOMERY. I didn't really know what being Lucy Montgomery meant when I was in Oakdale, but I'm starting to learn a lot of things about myself now that I'm at school. Once I know who I am, I await the day I can return to Oakdale with my head held high. And when people ask who I am, I'll know. I won't say "Craig Montgomery's daughter," "Lily Snyder's niece," or "Lucinda Walsh's grandaughter." I'll say proudly "I'm Lucy Montgomery!"